Defend My Honor!
by Ebonytwinkle
Summary: When Sai's words run away with him yet again Sakura turns to Naruto to help defend her honor...its too bad the guy was never really good at staying on track! Naru,Sai,Saku friendship...or something like it, lol


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, and I'm not entirely sure who does (As I suspect that there are a couple of companies and whatnot that do?)! All I know is that the shit's good and Kishimoto is a God. Lol

**Warnings:** Um, let's see…there's foul language, detailed nudity, my sad attempt at humor, yeah, you should probably run.

**Pairings: **None really…perhaps a one-sided thing going on but I wouldn't really count that.

**Rating:** M

**AN:** Wah! Where did I come up with this? I guess if you want to pin it down to a chapter in the manga you can blame it on 343, but it really was my own warped brain that came up with this, (while writing something else no less). Anyways, I hope this entertains at least one person out there, lol. Enjoy!

Defend My Honor!

How does he always seem to get himself into these kinds of messes? _Really_, was it too much trouble to just get a little piece and quiet when going _anywhere_ with these three!? They honestly need to be looked after like children, as they sure as hell quarreled like children. And just what in God's name did they have to fight about all the damn time!?! Seriously, as he sat here attempting to relax in his very own makeshift bathhouse, trying _really _hard to enjoy the overall warmth and comfort the place was graciously offering, he could _still_ hear the little bastards in the next room going off about something! _How was that even possible? _Finally deciding he had had enough, Tenzo stood up and inhaled deeply, preparing to yell at them to shut the fuck up from the top of his lungs, when suddenly his vision was skewed and the room started spinning. Great…just what he needed. The one thing that was suppose to calm him both mentally and physically had just turned on him. Apparently he had stood in the hot spring much longer than he realized, as he was clearly affected by the dizziness that accompanies over-stayers. Needless to say, it didn't feel very long for him as he could recall every minute of it cursing his misfortune instead of the cleansing and relaxing he originally set out to do. Slowly rising to his feet he exited the water and grabbed a dry towel. So much for _that_ sanctuary. He barely had enough time to dry off before the door slid open revealing the three nuisances in question. Geez, talk about a migraine.

"Ano sa, Yamato-taichou, you done yet cause it's _my_ turn to use the hot spring!"

"I don't think so Naruto! I've been waiting longer than you have, plus _I _have all my things ready so I get next dibs! Tell him Taichou!" Sakura looked up at their squad leader then instantly turned away. The look he was giving all three of them would have killed them all ten times over, if they'd take a moment to stop and notice…or even care. No, the reason she turned away was his underdressed state, though for the life of him he didn't see what the big deal was. His towel covered all the important parts and there was so much damn fog in the place that he could barely make them out himself, what was there to turn away from?

"He's not saying anything because he believes you both deserve to wait your turns for the relentless bickering you've been engaged in. Now if you don't mind, _I'll_ be next to utilize the hot spring."

"I don't think so Sai! Haven't you ever heard of ladies first!"

"Yes, and if there was one present I'd gladly relinquish my turn. But even if Naruto's penis is pathetic in size I hardly think it very kind of you to insult him by calling him a lady."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SA-"

"I was talking about myself you _ass_!"

"An ugly-dog like yourself running around with that freakish strength of yours…real easy to over look the fact that you're a girl. Though I must say your wall like chest doesn't much help matters either, now does it."

"I'LL SHOW YOU _FREAK_ STRENGTH!"

"_**ENOUGH**!!!_" Tenzo couldn't take another _minute_ of their squabbling!

"I don't care WHO goes in next as long as you can all figure it out like _civilized_ human BEINGS!"

"But Yamat-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! _Civilized_, or so help me you'll find yourselves camping outside this soon to be wood filled spring!" He gave each a stern look to emphasize just how serious he was. However, he only received childish responses as both Naruto and Sakura 'hmphed' and looked away, and Sai looked up at him with one of his cheerfully fake smiles. Oh, how he wanted to strangle all three! "Now," He began painfully slow "I'm going to call it a night. I've developed a headache and I do not wish to be disturbed."

"Yamato-taichou, I can take care of that you kno-"

"Oh no you don't Sakura-chan! You just wanna help him so you can go in first! Well I wont let you, cause _I'm_ going in!" As Naruto made his way further into the small changing room in front of the hot spring, Tenzo sluggishly made his way out. What a thanks he got for making this all possible…did he ever get a single word of gratitude for going out of his way and manipulating his Mokuton Jutsu into such a lavish and luxurious over-night camp hotel? _And _he put it over a natural hot spring they all found! This was all Kakashi-sempai's fault! '_I lost something dear to and I'm grief stricken, blah blah blah I can't possibly go on a mission like this!_' Fast talking son of a…

"Ha! I'd like to see how far you get without any bath supplies or clothes to change into." Sakura proudly stated and she held up hers in each arm to show just how much more prepared she was. The act unfortunately allowed Naruto to easily yank her basket of toiletries from her hand before full out running towards his prize.

"Thanks! I'll get this back to you as soon as I'm done!"

"NARUTO GET BACK HERE!" Sakura was getting ready to storm in after him until his response stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Already naked, enter at your own risk!" Tenzo merely sighed as he turned the corner…so much for civilized.

Sai watched as their team captain left to find some rest and noticed as his towel clad body carried a bar of soap, a loofah sponge, and clothing. Looking down at Sakura's sulking form sitting in front of the sliding door he also noticed the clothing she carried. Perhaps he should gather up his own before entering bathhouse. His original plan was to exit about in the towel he brought, just as Yamato had and Naruto was surely about to, but since he apparently had time before it was his turn maybe it was best to use the time to better prepare. He made up his mind then started off to collect his things.

"Don't think about going in while I'm gone." Sai told her with a smile.

"Where are you going?"

"Where ever I please, forehead." Ooooohhh, that really got under her skin! She really REALLY hated it when Sai picked things up from Ino. The fact that she was completely smitten with the guy and would often offer to help him with choosing nicknames just to get him closer to her didn't help! She definitely needed to have a talk with that pig when they get back to the village. Now Sakura sat alone in the small hallway and for the first time tonight, appreciated the silence. She leaned back against the door to the changing room and closed her eyes. It was so peacefully quiet that she could make out the subtle splashes of water as Naruto bathed. A light blush graced her cheeks at the thought, though she made no attempt to move away. Soon even the gentle swishing stopped and Sakura found herself in absolute silence, that is until-

"Ow!"

"Gomen Sakura-chan! I didn't know you were there!" While Sakura had been basking in peace Naruto had slid open the door causing the kunoichi to fall flat on her back hitting her head on the wood flooring. It was a good thing her eyes were still closed as Naruto now hovered her head sporting a towel around his waste that she would undoubtedly be able to see under. He moved in front of her and helped her up before placing a dripping basket of toiletries into her hands. "Thanks for the loan, but now I smell all flowery-like."

"That's what you get you idiot. I can't believe you sometimes." She grumbled as she pushed him out and abruptly slid the door shut. Naruto chuckled and make his way in search of clothing. Who knew Sakura could be so much fun? Soon he entered the main room where the four of them would be staying. He saw Yamato laying down on the far side of the room while Sai was folding the last bit of clothing before standing and declaring he was off to the hot spring. Naruto just nodded in his general direction as he went to his pack to pull out clothing of his own. Once Sai had closed the door he Naruto began changing.

A pair of boxers, some loose fitting slacks to sleep in. He inhaled and Sakura's soapy scent invaded his nostrils, hm, he wondered just parts she was lathering in that soap right now.

A clean wife-beater over his head. He began imagining what her body would look like slick and wet fresh out the hot spring.

He started towel drying his hair. Wait, didn't Sai say something about going to the hot spring.

He slowed the motion of his hand. Surely he knows Sakura's in there.

He stopped entirely. Surely Sai wouldn't-

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Apparently, Sai would.

Shortly after the very loud scream was heard and crash and a rumble followed.

"Oh for the love of Konoha! WHAT IS IT NOW!?!" Tenzo was about to get up to throttle some one when a quickly bruising Sai reentered the room followed shortly behind a dripping wet, yet fully dressed Sakura.

"So help me I'm going to KILL HIM!" Naruto leapt up to hold her back while Tenzo attempted to make sense of the situation.

"What happened?"

"Oh I'll tell you what happened! Pervy there decided he'd go get himself an eyeful!"

"Yeah right! If I wanted to spy on naked women, I'd take a cue from Naruto and find someone much more fully figured!"

"Hey now! In all fairness the only reason I never spy on Sakura cause I know she'd kick my ass if she ever found out!" He gave the girl in his arms a reassuring squeeze but she simply tightened her clenched fists as a vein popped on her forehead. '_Calm down Sakura, he's only trying to help...no reason to kill him for being an idiot, just focus on killing Sai.' _

"That still doesn't explain why he went in!"

"Yeah Sai, if you knew Sakura-chan was in there why did you enter?"

"I didn't _know_ anything for sure. And I told her not to enter while I was gone, it's not my fault if what I said never made it past her huge forehead!" The forehead in question popped another vein as Sakura went to lunge at her prey, still being held back by Naruto.

"I'll KILL you, you dirty little liar! You KNEW I was in there, I was humming for goodness sake! Why did you go in if not to be a PERVERT?" Sai stood quietly contemplating his answer as Sakura took his silence to mean he was coming up with and excuse for his lewd behavior and yelled in frustration. Tenzo just sighed. It seemed Naruto and Sakura still didn't fully understand that the boy picked things up like a dry sponge, regardless if he completely understood what he was absorbing. Apparently from Naruto's earlier stunt he had come to the conclusion that merely getting nude and entering the bathhouse meant Sakura was going surrender her shot at the hot spring and simply let him have his. He shook his head and laid back down…he did not want to deal with this at all…

Fed up with Naruto's ever persistent hold Sakura turned her frustrations on him.

"Just whose side are you on anyways!?! He saw me naked and he's offering no excuse for it! You should be beside me defending my honor!!!" Naruto hung his head in defeat. It was true, what kind of comrade would he be if he didn't stand up for Sakura...but Sai was his comrade now too. Maybe he would hear an excuse before he would try to kill his other team member.

"Sai, did you really go in just to see Sakura-chan naked?"

"Like I would! The girl's as skinny as a twig and severely under developed! Not much to look at there!"

"Why you little-"

"Take that back Sai!" Sakura looked up at Naruto in surprise. Apparently he was going to come to her defense after all. The thought almost made her smile. "Sakura-chan's got more fat on her than she knows what to do with!" The smile instantly turned into a scowl. She gave Naruto a death glare which went unnoticed than returned to glaring at Sai. The little bastard was enjoying this!

"Ha, she doesn't even have fat where it counts! Her washboard chest looked about as manly as Taichou's."

"That's not true. Sakura-chan's got a killer rack!" Oh LORD help her, just who was she suppose to kill?

"Well she could have fooled me. She didn't even have enough to there to give me a hard-on."

"Then that must be because you're gay, cause Sakura-chan gives them to me all the time!" Both! She'll definitely kill them both! Her face was going red in anger and embarrassment.

"Eh, I suppose she does look good for a naggy little twerp but she hardly has anything to compliment on!"

"You take that back! She does _not _look good for a naggy little twerp! …wait…"

"STOP HELPING! Just stop trying to help Naruto, you're only making it worst!" In the corner of her eye she caught a true smile from Sai's genuinely amused face. The jerk knew exactly what he was doing, baiting Naruto into his game just to piss her off. Well, the asshole better have something else up in his sleeves cause his bag of tricks was not about to bait her into a verbal dispute. No, she was definitely going to see to his physical punishment!

"Sai," She began calmly "I suggest that you dish out one hell of an excuse followed by a sincere apology or even the Gods themselves wont save you from my wrath." He looked thoughtful for a second, but only for a second as his face perked up as if an idea struck him.

"An apology huh?" Sakura nodded.

"Fine. I apologize for being a lair."

"So now that you admit lying about not knowing I was in the bathhouse, I think you owe me an explanation as to why you really went in."

"No no Sakura," He began in a taunting manner. "I wasn't referring to that. I meant my comments on your body."

"_Nani!?!_" She squeaked out in response as Naruto lowed his eyelids to dangerous slits.

"What do you mean..." Sai, however, paid no mind to the blonde's threatening tone as he glanced down to where Naruto's arms where still wrapped protectively around the kunoichi before boring his gaze directly into the kyuubi container's eyes. This was going to be fun!

"Well, I suspect you can feel for yourself just how slender and lithe her body really is. The soft curve of her hips, her lean muscles pack tightly under such smooth and delicate skin." A light blushed crept up to Naruto's cheeks and his hold instantly loosened from the comment. "Deceitful indeed, she does have a 'killer rack', as you so freely dubbed it. Supple, creamy breasts that are simply adequate to her very size. Not too small, not to large, in a word, _perfect_." Screw anger and embarrassment, Sakura just crossed the threshold to furious and mortified! Who the hell does he think he is if he believes he's just going to sit there and talk about her in such a perverted way and get away with it! He was speaking as if she weren't even present in the room! She was going to KILL him, and she was more than sure that after she was done with him Naruto was going to see to his remains! She could feel him fighting with his indecision as to whether he should let her go or not. All the while, Sai kept talking. "And don't even get me started on those legs! So long and silky, yet powerful to their very core. Can't you just imagine the feel of them wrapped around you in the throws of passion, her petite form writhing beneath you as you both move closer towards unimaginable heights. Shinobi life has definitely done her good."

A thick haze of murderous intent washed over the room before a 'poof' was heard in the far corner. Sakura looked over to Yamato's now empty sleeping bag. It appeared he wasn't going to stop her from extracting vengeance tonight, leaving only Naruto between her and her prey. Very slowly his arms removed themselves from around her waist as she practically snarled at Sai, but the ANBU root member merely widened his smirk looking smug, as if he had just won. Ha! She was about to wipe that smug look right off his face using the shinobi skills he had just so cleverly commented on! But right before she lunged herself at her main target of the night, she spared a glance back at her other teammate and almost immediately the murderous intent she felt coiling from her pores immensely increased! There, right behind her, the man who was supposable protecting her dignity by releasing her and allowing her to obtain revenge had appeared to have merely removed his hands from her simply to stop the enormous nose bleed he was having!!! Sakura felt betrayed, sickened, but more than any PISSED OFF! Neither of her teammates had much time to react before the medic-nin went into attack mode… "**_SHANNARO!!!_**"

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The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and all in all it looked to be another beautiful day. Of course, Tenzo would have enjoyed it more had his company been different but he suppose he couldn't complain about them today. Yesterday was another story as he had to sit through them behaving like animals, arguing like children, yelling like lunatics and fighting like mortal enemies. Yes, Kakashi-sempai was undoubtedly going to get what was coming to him for tricking him into becoming active commander of Team _Kakashi_ once again. The man may have a way with words but there was no way in hell that Tenzo was _ever_ going to sit through this again, especially alone. Hokage's orders be damned as well, if she wanted him to go anywhere with these three again she was going to have to provide him with chakra bonds, duct tape and one hell of a raise! He was ANBU for crying out loud, not a babysitter! He took a deep breath to calm himself before getting too worked up. Why should he relive the nightmare when the nightmare was over? His headache was gone, his sanity returned and the three little monkeys turned back into quiet sensible shinobi. Sure two of them were walking funny and lagging behind while the third silently walked beside him and made no attempt to heal the other two, but who was he to complain. It was a beautiful day.

Sakura looked up as she noticed the small smile that graced Yamato's face. Well, at least one of them where happy. She still felt anger towards yesterday's events. How dare Sai have the audacity to walk in on her bathing! The jerk never even offered an apology even after she beat him into a bloody pulp! Waltzing in the bathhouse like he owns the place, che, she just wish she stopped screaming her head off long enough to get a good look at him in the buff so that maybe she could dish out a little of his own medicine his way and see how he liked it! Maybe then Naruto wouldn't be the only one whose penis was mocked around here! Oooh, and that Naruto! What the hell was he thinking getting a nose bleed like that instead of coming to her defense! Scratch that-she knew exactly what he was thinking thanks the that Sai idiot! How dare he paint such a lewd picture of her doing provocative things…_and for Naruto no less_! The pain they were both in now was nothing compared to the humiliation she felt. She only wished she had finished the job instead of leaving them with their lives still intact. Look at them back there, talking as if nothing were wrong. She had half a mind to finish the job now. Still, as she looked back at them walking a couple feet away she couldn't help but feel satisfied at her handy work. It was amazing how inflicting a bunch a bruises and fractured bones could make her feel so good about herself. Sai even looked as if he had a bit of trouble breathing! Hmph, that'll teach him to pick a fight with her and her _freak_ strength! Jerk! And Naruto, walking as though his femur where popped out of place. Geez, she really did a number on them. She guessed it would be best to heal them soon before they did more damage to themselves but she was going to milk this victory while she could. Soon a small smile graced her own face, that'll show Naruto that next, if he knew what was good for him, he'd defend her honor!

Naruto turned to Sai as he took another painful step forward. "You know, this is all your fault. If you didn't have to be such an ass all the time none of this would have ever happened."

"Yeah," Sai wheezed out "well no one dragged you into this mess with me. You could have easily avoided trouble yourself."

"Oh yeah right, you purposely lured me into your sick little game. Besides, there was no reason to talk about Sakura-chan like that." He sharply sucked in air and let out an 'ouch' when he heard, and felt, his leg snap back into place.

"Well, there was no reason to go getting a nose bleed either."

"Like hell there wasn't! You were just describing the girl of my dreams naked! How was I suppose to react?"

"I'd say less like a pervert, especially in front of said dream girl." Sai cough up a bit of blood but continued down the path Yamato and Sakura set.

"Oh, that's nice. Call _me_ the pervert. You go around looking at Sakura naked for your own sick pleasure but _I'm_ the one whose a pervert." Sai smirked.

"Yeah, _you're_ the pervert. I never saw Sakura naked but you go about getting nose bleeds while fantasizing about her in the nude _right in front of her_. If you ask me I'd say you're the only one who should have gotten beat last night."

"How can you say that whe-…" Naruto stopped himself mid-sentence and quickly looked up at Sai, even though it hurt to do so. He began dangerously slow. "What do you mean you never saw Sakura naked?" Sai however limped onwards.

"Exactly what I said. I've never seen Sakura naked."

"Bullshit! What the hell was that crap last night then!?!" Sai shrugged while shaking his head. "You vividly described her _naked_!" Sai reached into his backpack and pulled out a small book.

"I wasn't describing her naked, I was quoting this thing. Found this shortly after we left Konoha mixed in with my books. After I read all my others I began this one. I stopped a few pages into it when I realized it wasn't going into shinobi battle tactics at all." Naruto took the all to familiar book from Sai's hands as he stared at it in disbelief.

"B-but, I heard her scream when you went into the bathhouse."

"I did go into the bathhouse…I just didn't see her naked. There was so much fog in the place that I could faintly make out a silhouette as I suspect she did the same with my own and screamed." Naruto stopped dead in his tracks. This whole time he was just…he never really…heh, so basically this whole thing was just so weird ass twisted form of entertainment for no-good, pencil-dicked, conniving little bastar-

"You SON-OF-A-_BITCH_!" And that was all the warning Sai got before a fist hit him and he was mercilessly beaten yet again. Sakura, would soon come to help pull Naruto off of him, Tenzo would soon feel his headache creep back up and later become a full fledge migraine, Naruto would soon come to feel the satisfaction of physical rectification, and Kakashi would soon learn where he had left his beloved copy of Icha Icha Tactics.

Sai, however, would have gotten nothing out of this experience but a few bruises and a wonderful memory with friends.

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AN: What kind of crack fic did I just write? Lol…Ah, Sai, you abnormal weirdo! Why would you enjoy making people mad: ) I guess it can't be helped since I the one who wrote it. And to think this weird little plot came to me while writing a completely different fic. (Hopefully, I'll get that one out soon since I did start it before this one. It's sorta a KakaSakuNaruSasu thing going on there…another fic that'll probably flop, lol) Anyways, let me know what you think, that is if you think anything of my story and please forgive the OOC-ness of all my characters…I just thought they would all be for funner this way: D. Ja ne!


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